Thanksgiving Eve

I randomly thought about my post from last Thanksgiving and how bad I felt after getting off work. Hopefully tomorrow is not a repeat of that. So that's right it's Thanksgiving Eve and I just finished eating some hot wings that irritated the life out of my gums. My left thigh hurts so I just took some Aleve. I'm currently Pms'ing so I feel like a bloated bullfrog muffin. So just a great day for me. I haven't written since my last post where the school blues were in full force. My semester will be ending in a few weeks and I didn't find my groove with school until about a month ago. Took a while. At the moment I have a light load and am planning on cleaning all weekend long and working on school stuff. I did 5 days of working out last week. I have technically worked out 2 days this week. I'm hoping tomorrow evening I can get back to it and then the weekend but I'km 90% sure my period will come and now allow for me to do any of that.

So it is currently 12:33am. I had a week where I was going to bed super late and wasn't happy about it, then I spilled tea on my MacBook and destroyed my laptop...DESTROYED. So I'm Currently typing this on my new MacBook Pro which I love and hate at the same time. So anyway after destroying my laptop I started going to bed earlier which made me feel like I was gettin my life together. For about 5 minutes. Anyway I have nothing to say but I don't post on here enough. Until Next time.

School is back in session, September is here

It's 2:51am. September 2nd and I just finished 4 loads of laundry. My ankles and wrists are bitten up by mosquito bites, they are so bad they woke me up at 7am this morning. This week had been stressful to the max. I had a wonderful weekend with my guy. I was able to relax and just enjoy the time spent with him. But Sunday cam and both of us feel the dread of the work week. For me work and school.

So Monday arrived and I was hit with stress from the beginning of the semester craziness. My classes this semester suck, I'm only taking 2 which is a change from my typical 4 classes or 12 credits I've done for the last year and a half. But I was trying to decide which class to take and which one to drop, which one I needed and I needed them all.Work was insane, my pet bird died, I worked alone, got a migraine and am still fighting the second cold I've had in 7 months, going on 4 weeks. My whole year has been trash so far. TRUE TRASH. So this weekend I am off and decided I needed to not stress myself out. So I would relax but also start getting ahead on my school work and even gave myself a week off of the gym. I plan to start back at the gym either tomorrow or Monday.

I am full of stress and trying not to but it seems like everything me keep testing me. I keep asking myself why this year of all years, are things going bad every single month?, seriously there is always something each month that sucks. If I went down the line and listed off each bad thing each month I would get even more depressed. Anyway this is a late night rant and I want to sleep. Until next time.

A weird summer evening

I worked overtime at work last week and into the weekend. And then got sick. My second time this year after a 5 year span of nothing. This is annoying.

So I ended up not going into work for most of the week. I was asked to come in today but I still feel crappy. Most of my week was spent watching movies on Netflix and Hulu and trying to rest even though I didn't want to. So no workout this week after a 6 days straight of working out. This is my last weekend to myself before school starts. Next weekend I'll be spending time with the guy I'm seeing. It's always a mental break from everything when I see him, which is always nice. I am trying however to keep myself from feeling the dread of school.

I don't really have much to say, I was just sitting outside trying to soak up some of this summer air, it's actually been quite nice today. I haven't gotten the chance to sit outside that much this summer to enjoy the summer evening because I keep getting tied up with other things. I am doing my laundry and in a little while entertaining  my little cousin who is coming over to spend the night. I got a message from someone I used to see, which makes me watching my little cousins and receive this message from him ironic. Around the time when my cousin was a very little baby, I used to babysit her every day from around 5:30am to 3pm and at this time I was beginning to talk to this person. It made me reflect on that year of my life and how things were then. Man have I grown. Anyway, I have noting to say and am not sure why I felt the need to write a random entry tonight. Anyway, until next time.

A cold summer night and reflection

I just drank a cup of newly bought Raspberry Leaf tea in which I  hope to tame my lovely cramps that shall be arriving full force tomorrow. It is now August, August 1st to be exact but this post will be published on August 2nd because in true me fashion, I am writing after midnight. Nightowl forever.  So about this weather it was 63 degrees today, I just got back from a late night grocery store trip and my ears practically froze. Not the typical weather for August.

So the other day a coworker of mine, finished their last day at my job and I find myself, feeling somber about it. Obviously when you work with people for a couple of years they become these beings that  have an impact on your life. You see them everyday, they get to know you, you get to know them. This coworker in particular was there before I started and I still remember their kind words for me when I was a nervous and uncomfortable wreck walking into that hospital. We shared a long hug before we parted ways and I already miss them. It makes me reflect back on me being at my job and all of the people who have come and gone and how with some people the effects are so much more and this coworker was definitely one of them. It makes me reflect on where I'm at in life. I remember when I first got my job I told myself this was the new hospital chapter of my life and I always thought about how long this chapter would last. How long I would be at this job. The first couple of months was a struggle, I wanted to make my employment there a short one. But becoming comfortable and learning my job kicked in and I stayed on and here I am 5 years later. I worry about my job now because tomorrow would be the day that this coworker would work but now they won't be there. I won't see their bag propped up on the table and hear their laughter. I know I'm extra emotional because of my impending period but...it's still sad. I lost two good coworkers just a few months back and I miss them as well but both started after me so it's a bit different. I was hired at my job with another guy, we both started at the same day but he had left after maybe a year or two and during that time I felt a different kind of somber in that we had started at the same time and now he is gone and I feel like I'm being left behind. It was very strange. I don't even know why I'm writing this but I felt the need to express how I feel and the sadness I feel about this person leaving. I made myself a tuna croissant sandwich. I've eaten way to much in the past week but had some good workouts in between but I don't feel that great. School starts at the end of this month but I'm not even trying to think about that nonsense. I want to enjoy the rest of my summer. My guy that I'm talking to is coming here toward the end of the month, we are going to a preseason football game. So that should be fun. Anyway I'm talking about absolutely nothing. Until next time....





hopefully I'm in a better mood.

It's Spring.

It's my birthday month and it's cold and crisp and the snow comes and goes and it's getting old real quick.

So it's 2:07am. I would love to wind down but I spent two hours taking my political science midterm which sucked. But I am glad it's over so I don't have that hanging over my head this weekend. 

I have to do my taxes tomorrow and go grocery shopping. I need to look up more recipes on how to make overnight oats which surely...well maybe might be gross but I need to get inspired again to try out new things and eat right. I've been fitness inspired the whole week yet making time to actually get to the gym hasn't been easy because my school load was heavy this week. I do work this weekend but I think I can get in a workout friday,saturday and Sunday.  My friend had a gym membership so going to the gym with her has been very fun and great for my body even though I'm bloated and haven't made much progress in months, but understandably so, I've cut myself some slack because I'm still grieving and I've had a lot of negative things hit me, but I still make the effort to go to the gym.

Anyway...It's April and I probably won't make another post until like June or something. So this birthday is a big deal. It's the last year I will be in my 20s. I will be 29 years old and...man...have my 20s gone by fast. Well...not fast but...it's just caused for me to reflect a lot. My life has had many changes in the last 4/5 years. I stopped speaking to my" Best Friend" of like 14 years because she was toxic in more ways than one.  She had always been toxic but it was to the point that when I received texts from her I would get angry right away, that was not good. She was jealous and competitive and as I got older I just became exhausted from it. When I think back now and it's honestly only been a few months since she texted me but it's going on like two years well three of me not exactly talking to her, I find that I don't really miss her. There are times I think of how funny she was but that was in high school and that was in between all of her negative energy that would suck me down and I've moved on to better things. I got out of my stand still.

Dating. That was a huge one. That gave me confidence and opened up a part of my life that didn't existed for so many years. It taught me a lot. A whole lot and caused me to discover that I have an issue that other women face. Something I don't want to talk about here because I feel like I should make a separate blog about it but I barely keep up with this one. Anyway It's an issue that is curable and something I'm working on but something that wow...I didn't know anything about.

As I approach the end of my 20s I reflect more and I do feel lost and sad and happy and conflicted.  But I learn that I'm complex and everyday I learn. I'm still sad honestly about my grandmother passing. It's been hard for me to cherish moments that put me in a good mood because I think about her and realize she's not here anymore and, she spent 28 years in my life and...that was it. I'm well aware of the grieving process, but it's been a while since it's hit me. I've been through a lot emotionally.

I remember being a kid and being in the backseat of my mom's car and this is before I started wearing glasses when I first noticed the blurry visions because the streetlights wouldn't be clear. We'd be driving down the street at night leaving my grandma's place which I would always be sad about because my grandmas place was the funnest place ever. But we'd make our way through these streets and 90's R&B would be on, Blackstreet, Montell Jordan etc. Then I would hear 90s house and dance remixes and I would imagine what people in their 20s did. Go out to clubs, have fun that I didn't know the details of what that actually consisted of but I knew it was fun. I remember it being a summer day and my mom and dad were driving out to meet family and we stopped at a gas station and I just remember having a gatorade in my lap and looking out at the highway an sunny blue skies and just being the happiest ever. My grandma mom and uncle were leaving a store one day it was tiny yet this sky was purple and as I looked at the purple sky I kept thinking about babydoll and Full House. Yes the tv show. I think about being in the 7th and 8th grade and this time after my mom passed watching WWE smackdown and WWW Raw with my cousins and getting sooooo pumped up about the Rock  beating up on everyone. I remember burning my wrist before the first day of kindergarten and watching saturady morning cartoons and feeling like the cereal aisles were full of endless cereal flavors that I would get to try when I got older. This moment my dad and I took a walk to a lake and I came back home and walked around outside kicking around mushrooms. Being addicted to the Backstreet Boys when I was 8 and listening to their CD on full blast and I recorded the Their Concert and The Parent Trap on Disney Channel.

These are memories I cherish. As I finish of my 20s I hope to create something, a memory of some sort that can bring me out of the funk that I'm in. I know I have to work at it mostly now but my  happy feeling moments come at random and are few and far in between. I know I sound straight up depressed, I promise I'm not but I am sad. It's 2:36am now. I should probably go to sleep. I'm off tomorrow thank goodness but work the weekend. Bleh. I most likely won't post anymore until months after I turn 29. I check in then and hopefully I have something less sad to write about. Until next time.

Winding Down with space heaters and empty Humidifiers

It's 1:33am and I'm curled up in my messy bed, wearing compression socks and trying to fight the craving for snacking on some cheese and crackers. It's now February and I have to say my 2018 has started off absolutely terrible. It started with,
Break outs and lots of them
A Migraine from stress that hit me after a nice workout
A Car accident
Not having medical insurance
Having to now pay over 3 grand for damages which is going to steal from my savings, my car purchase and my own debt pay off.
Getting a cold for the first time in 4 years
My phone isn't responding on one side

Soooo....yeah and it's only February. I am currently trying to wind down but I have my first essay to write for this semester and I find myself feeling the same way I felt last semester and the previous spring semester. Overwhelmed. I am still getting over my cold. I spent 6 days laying in my bed watching the sun come up and come down, full of fatigue and feelings of depression. I m kind of shocked at how awful my year has been so far. I'm trying to stay strong and tough it all out but I feel almost sick of toughing it out and pushing through. I try to stay on top of everything, workout, et right, other things I need to do daily that I won't mention here but it's super important. I feel like there are simply not enough hours in the day. I know most people feel that way. I know that I'm having a moment of weakness and a lot of that has to do with school right now but man has this year sucked for me and IT"S ONLY FEBRUARY. Anyway...it's late and I'm sleepy. It's now 2:15am and my nose is semi clogged.

I ate cheese and crackers



...and finished off some mini oreo thins. I need to get back to working out. Until next time.