I usually put a picture as my header but I decided screw it. I have also cried about 3 times about stories of animals. It's1:54am feeling my melatonin kick in, not my natural melatonin of course but the OTC pills I take on occasion to fall asleep. I just finished the series Search Party a show on TBS which I just binged over the last two days. I was deciding on if I should watch another episode of Pitch before I go to bed, another show that I just started watching, but I decided to write instead and babble as I do since it's been a little bit.
So I've been thinking about life a lot lately, overall I have been proud of myself for accomplishing my goals. I don't make New Years resolutions but I made goals that I wanted to accomplish this year, as a fresh start, so in a way it is a resolution but I'd rather call them goals because the new year isn't the biggest factor but more so a reflection if that make sense. I finished off my 2015 year on a roll of wanting to get things done and while 2016 has been challenging in all sorts of ways, I have done things I set out to do.
I have to say that it all started with my Marley twists, putting those twists in my hair was a stepping stone for me as odd as that sounds. As a kid who would get a new pair of shoes or jeans but then chicken out and not want to wear them in fear of what others would say, I spent a good chunk of my life not doing things because of what other people would think. I don't think I'm a special little snowflake because many people go through this is much more severe cases than me just not wanting to wear a certain pair of jeans, however this did have a huge effect on me for years long after. As I get older I do care less. It began to hit me more in my early 20's and now in my late 20's on a scale to 1-10 I'm at a 9 and 1/4. Putting those twists in my hair was daring and something I had never done before. Before that I had began dating heavily and putting myself out there which I had never done before which resulted in a new level of self awareness and self confidence. That coupled with the twists that really set in motion the things I felt I needed to do. So once I had those twists in my hair, my attitude began to change. I bought lipstick for the first time, typical nudes and then BAM!! Ruby Woo from MAC and then it was on. By doing these small things I realized that fear was holding me back, and while fear would never go away I wasn't going to allow it to stifle my life anymore. I mentioned in another post about how every year I would be hit with tears and sorrow on my birthday because I didn't like where my life was at and that for the first time in like 5 years that feeling is gone because I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Before I started the goal accomplishing I remember reading a quote about how if you were being overwhelmed by feelings of not being happy with where you were at that shows that you aren't doing what you need to be doing and I applied that and started going for it.
School was one of the biggest decisions because I wanted to go but always backed out. I wanted to start school during the Fall semester of 2015 but couldn't and forced myself and I mean FORCED myself to get all of my accuplacer studying done so I couldn't register for the Spring semester in which I made happen. The day I walked out of the accuplacer testing and knew that I was enrolling in school finally, I became overwhelmed with happiness. I felt 'grown up" in a weird way. Once I enrolled in my first semester I felt the confidence kicking in. Then the long awaited goal of getting my license which just happened a month ago really made me feel good.
Getting my license especially is something I've blogged about since 2009. I forced myself to get out on the road during the spring, I had spent countless years making a plan on getting myself out there during the spring and summer, literally I would fantasize about me driving during those seasons and learning well and accomplishing my goal, but due to busy relatives it was so hard to have someone teach me but the final straw in what made me really push for my license was one night, I came home from work and was struggling to get a ride, at the time I hadn't set up UBER and the Taxi company was super busy, I asked my uncle for a ride home and I was met with complaints about how I needed to get my own car, in which set me off on a rage of complete and utter irritation. He had promised for months to take me out driving but excuse after excuse and I gave up hope that I would ever drive, until that night, that final complaint, that was the last straw. The next day I bullied my uncle into taking me out to drive. So in late April I shakily circled parking lot after parking lot and from that point on I used every single opportunity to get out driving, a lot of the time by myself which yes is a illegal but HEY!, a girl has got to learn. Driving by myself really made me focus and I spent all of April through July really driving every single weekend I was off and any time during the week I could get practice in.
I really worked hard these last few months to accomplish my goals I set for myself. I am writing this entry now in early December because unless I'm hit with a reflective mood on New Years Eve I will most likely forget to blog and be on another 8 month hiatus.
But anyway I am just rambling about my life, it al started with hair and here I am now. Slowly setting up goals for the upcoming year, and the next chapter of my life. I don't really know yet what my goals are yet but I'm sure I'll figure out something and then going about that work will come shortly after. So anyway that's all I wanted to say tonight, it's 2:30am and I wanted to be sleep around 1am...Hmm...there's a goal right there. Until next time.
