A Random night post after an off day

It's thanksgiving night and I sit here having a very rare day of feeling off, irritated, down and overwhelmed. I woke up this morning to the fresh scent of a clean comforter and throw blankets, because that following evening I came home from work with a bed full of cat vomit. I slept like crap as well, on and off awake all night. So I went to work today and it was dead slow as it usually is on Holidays, towards the end of the night at work I started to feel just off and frustrated and sad. I got home and made a sad can of beef stew and sat in bed. I finished quite a bit of school work because tomorrow morning I'm watching my baby cousin for a loooong time and I wanted to get all of my more challenging work out of the way. As I sat in my room going back and forth from watching Boomerang on tv and playing games and scrolling Instagram. I got really sleepy but it was only 9pm and I was not trying to check out that early. I checked some of my grades online and my grade went down a few points which pissed me off This biology class I'm taking, I feel like I can't win in it. I get a few good grades my overall grade doesn't move, then it randomly drops and I'm already at a C which I will happily take but a D I cannot. It's just frustrating and what's even more irritating is I found more assignments that are due for the damn class. We are reaching the end of the semester, my nails are breaking off, I had some period breakouts and after a wonderful week of great gym sessions I put it all off to get my work done. I can't have a good gym session If I know have loads of school work to do.  Anyway, we are reaching the end of the semester and my two other classes are finishing up with work, but this DAMN class is just more and more by the minute. I feel overwhelmed. I think all of this was amplified by the fact that when I got home, I didn't have anything really to work on in that moment and I just felt bored.  A feeling I don't feel often because I always keep myself busy. I think today was just one of those days, a long overdue bad day. My freshly washed comforter is now stained with an chocolate almond that decided to roll underneath me so now melted chocolate is everywhere. I feel like I'm merely existing and everything around me i just crumbling little by little and I mean that in the least dramatic way possible.  Today was just one of those days and I feel like crap. I feel ugly and fat, invisible and gross. Man oh man is being a female, or human for that matter is just origin sometimes for no reason. Anyway I should be getting to bed, I'm sure I'll sleep terrible and babysitting until evening tomorrow will surely do a number on me. Until next time.

November update, missing in action once again

I had zero clue that I hadn't posted since December of last year. But then again I'm not really surprised at my lack of commitment to this blog. Anyway, every once in a blue moon I remember this blog and read through my old posts and then I get an itching to write. So today on this chilly November afternoon before I go to work shortly I shall post. So where the freak do I even begin...it's been a year almost!!. Okay...so maybe I'll rewind back. So my last post was in December, I made a goal to get in shape and actually take getting in shape seriously and losing some weight because I gained like 900 lbs over the past few years, because you know?, "Adulthood". Honestly I had made a quiet little goal to myself that if I passed my road test I would work out...I figured I wouldn't pass so then I would have an excuse not to workout hahahahahah....so I guess it's good I passed which by the way it's been a year since I go my License!!!, crazy right?. Anyway so back to getting in shape, I did, I mean I am, getting there. Went from 179 to now 159. 20 lbs bruh! I've definitely made going to the gym a priority and a huge part go my life. A big reason for it, buying cute workout clothing. My wardrobe has grown and I look fabulous in my gym clothes. I still have a long way to go and have definitely slacked off a few months since Fall semester has been in session. But this week I put in that work!. I think I'm finally getting back into my workout groove and I'm very happy about it.

Speaking of school, I'm full time, and taking a Biology class from the pits of the devil's butt crack. I have about three weeks of the semester left and I'm impatiently waiting. I've got a paper to revise, a paper to write and a load of biology labs to start but I'm almost there. Fingers crossed light at the end of the tunnel is visible. One thing that happened in my life and something I will not dwell on because I simply can't but I lost my great grandmother september 21st. I'm still devastated, I'm still hurting, I miss her everyday but that is something I will not talk about on here because I already said my peace.

So what else...I'm sort of seeing someone, we aren't official, we've talked for 4 years and it wasn't until last February...another motivator for getting in shape that we finally met up in real life. He lives two hours away so that makes things a bit tricky but we've gotten together a few times now. It's been great, he's great. We trying to get as much done when he comes, art museums, restaurants, science museums etc. Or just be lazy and lay in bed. So far I'm content with my love life. It still weird me even having one considering I went sooooooo...soooooo long without one.