Summer 2022, two years later. An update for myself.

 

I have reached my Jesus year. 33. Got laid off. Started a new job, hated it, got a new one last June, and learned a lot. Just got another interview for another job sometime in the next two weeks. I graduated from college and now have my bachelor's degree.

It. Has. Been. A. Weird. Last. Few. Years

Like...I don't even know where to begin, My last post was in 2020. I got Covid in January so I started this new year off bad. I will say that I am relieved to finally be done with school. I started this blog,  long before I even started school and have literally grown into an entire adult since. To sum up life now, I am looking for jobs that would allow me to work remotely, do I think this is a good decision?, I'm not sure, but I've had so many changes in the last few years, what would another change be. My brain still technically feel stuck in 2019, when I was taking that horrid math class and breaking out in hives. 2020 brought out a lot of revelations on people in my life who were close to me, yet...oh hell, people who have racist and close-minded views. I feel like life now has been a personal journey of growth and figuring out the people around me and where I fit. 

Getting laid off was sad, and every time I'm at my new job I miss my old coworkers because we truly had a great supportive group. I started working at a children's hospital and while I like the organization, the job was not a good fit. I remained with the company and stayed on casual. The new interview I have coming up, is with this company and I am dreading it. I HATE interviews. 

I am trying to get back into fitness, 2016 and 17 were great years for me being on my fitness. I have also started reading again which I love.

Anyway...I have so much to say but just so little care to actually say it. I will blog again, I just wanted to check in here and see where I was last.

Until Next time.

2020...Covid, graduation and failed plans

I have reached 31 years of age. I planned a trip to Panama. Then Covid happened. Yeah...it's been quite the year. I won't go into how 2020 has been, between the pandemic, me living in Minnesota where protests  popped off, curfews, lockdown, national guard being on each corner, It's all too much, TEW MUCH, and I'm very much fatigued on the thought of any more chaos erupting. So an update...where do I begin.

My last post, I was detailing my struggles with my horrid math class, so to catch up, I finished that math class in December, which I had to go on campus to take my final which I bombed, I honestly didn't do horrible imo, but that professor was a complete and utter, walking ball of irritation. My final grade was a D, a whole D. I was not happy, because D is passing but D's don't transfer that well, at least that's what I thought. 

So I made the choice to retake the class and figured it wouldn't be that bad, it started off great and then quickly turned to crap, and then Spring Break came during March, and Covid hit, completely turning the world upside down. In short, I ended up having to withdraw from the class. It wasn't going well anyway, the professor literally did not teach the class, and made it ten times harder. I hate to admit it, but my first go round, was taught a million times better even though he was stingy with points. So I officially graduated in May, obviously no graduation, so I was mailed my degree and felt a small sense of relief. 

I enrolled for fall semester at Concordia to complete my Bachelors in Healthcare Administration, even though I may switch it, at first it was family science and then I said nah. Also that damn math class, that DAMN D, did transfer so hallelujah, I literally never have to deal with math driving me insane ever again. I look back on that time now and man...it was rough. Math really did a number on me.

So here I am, it's summer, I now work day shift, work is a total shit show but I have a  weird schedule now that grants me practically a week off every other week. I've been getting back into working out because last year took a big toll on my working out. Trying to balance everything out with my new work schedule has been a struggle, but this week it has been positive. It has been a rough last few months, the good news it, my car buying process will finally happen in about a month, I have made huge progress and finally my patience will be paying off.

I'll admit, it has been hard for me to feel excited about anything because of everything that has been going on, but I really had to take a step back, and tell myself that I have put in work, I am doing a great job, I am accomplishing my goals, things have not been easy and I have been using this blog for a decade now, here and there and I am proud of how far I have come.

I am trying to enjoy every minute of summer, trying to get excited about school because while getting my AA, all I could think about was how I would need to take math, and now I'm going for my damn Bachelors. Ugh self pat on the bag. So it may be a while before I write again, but I figured I owed myself an update to see my own progress, so until next time.

November is here and so is my stress

I've been nursing a tension headache for a week. My stress level is at an all time high. And my anger was on 10 today.

This semester has been the most stressful, nerve wrecking, irritating, time consuming and depressing ever. Since the last time I wrote, my math class has done nothing but drive me crazy every single week, where I question my entire college existence. The amount of work I've been putting in has been  insane. I knew this semester would be tough, but I wasn't prepared for just how tough.

On top of all of that, and the major source of my anger, I made the choice to apply for a full time position at my job. I've been saving for a car forever it seems, and the opportunity to go full time finally presented itself. I thought I had it in the bag until the one person who has more seniority over me, decided to apply for the same exact position. So now I'm screwed. I woke up today bright and early to repot a very root bound plant which turned into a nightmare, which set the tone for my entire mood of the day. Even though it's the last day of my work week before I'm off  until Monday, I am filled with more stress and anxiety and anger. My whole shift was filled with frustration and  I had many moments where I had to sit and just take a breathe. I'm mentally worn out and it's getting to me. I'm physically in pain because of my stress headache, and have no way of relieving any of it.  So I decided to write. Write it down and maybe that would help. I'm not sure what the next couple of weeks are going to bring but I have to say that, the last year has been rough. Every single month I have a new frustration. 

This semester has only gotten worse since my first week, and I expect the end result to be just devastating. I have only one class to pass in order to graduate and once again it will be math getting in my way. Math stopped me from walking in my own high school graduation. It's always been a huge obstacle in the way of the choices I've made in life career wise. But I decided to go back to school and try, and believe me, I am trying. I refuse to give up and that itself is making me even more angry, as odd as that sounds. I've learned how to really push myself these last few years. I've learned that if I do put in work, I will get something in return. So this is why I keep pushing. This semester has been testing me, and I do feel defeated but I won't give up.

But I do hope the next time I decide to write a blog entry, I will have something positive to say, because as of right now, everything sucks major ass. Seriously. I don't know what's going to happen job wise, right now I have no hope of getting what I want because I just got screwed over. It just really sucks because the one and only time I ever want to make a change, I get hit with a big haha nope. I feel like I fall steps backward when it comes to me wanting to make change financially. It's like something out of my control even though it feels like it's in my control. Anyway I am sad, I am unhappy, I am angry and I hurt. It's just been one of those times in my life. So again...maybe next time I write, I'll be in a better place, but at the moment, I feel like that is almost impossible. Until next time.

How many more meltdowns can I have

Here I write on September first. It's technically Sunday because it is after midnight, however it still feels like Saturday. Anyway, this is my weekend off and the new semester just started Monday. Well, last Thursday my first class opened up, so I began working on school right away. However, my dreadful math class opened Friday officially. So I have spent the last 48 hours doing so much math, crying, feeling depressed, feeling okay, crying, getting angry, feeling stuck, crying again, feeling fine, motivating myself and then repeat. Math has never been my thing, I struggle with it, it gives me anxiety. Last semester I had taken my first refresher math course since 2016 and I had a complete meltdown, I felt off, not like myself and cried in the shower which is obviously very dramatic but It was much needed. I made it through that class with a B. I also distinctly remember me telling myself to shut up now because I would have to repeat this same meltdown episodes next semester with my actual college math class.

So here I am. I went to Office Max today to buy a graphing calculator. It costed way too much money so I'm pissed. I have been so stressed out over this class, I keep breaking out in hives. I had a doctors appointment yesterday which even he mentioned that I am way too stressed. My neck muscles are insanely tight, when I got my massages her hand slipped off from trying to release the tightness. So I've been prescribed a few drugs to help my overall headaches/migraines etc. I'm truly surprised I have gotten one now with this math stress. Anyway, I have noting to say except I felt the need to pop in here and whine about something. So anyway I hope this semester shapes up but I doubt it. I told myself if I pass this math class, I will take a trip to Denver...at this moment I don't  think that's going to happen :(

Until next time.

Early June

Summer is here. Summer break is here, and I am trying to breathe while trying to figure out what to do with my new free time. It's been a while since I've posted. School kept me busy for the most part. So now that I am free of the school work I am on a mission to hit the gym more often, be more active overall and to get my finances in order so I can finally purchase a car. It's been a process, a long and irritating one but one that I am continuously on. I also turned 30 since the last time I posted. I spent the day eating at the fanciest restaurant I had ever been to, and being dressed up oh so fresh. It was a nice night and one that inspired the need for more girls trips, evenings, nights and just spending time with people, that I've known forever, but whose schedules never align correctly with mine and vice versa. 

So anyway...I don't really have much to say, which seems to be a theme with me lately. I'm just here trying to get my life together quietly while trying to now have a meltdown. Anyway, maybe in a few months I'll have something to say. Until next time and hopefully it isn't too long.

Thanksgiving Eve

I randomly thought about my post from last Thanksgiving and how bad I felt after getting off work. Hopefully tomorrow is not a repeat of that. So that's right it's Thanksgiving Eve and I just finished eating some hot wings that irritated the life out of my gums. My left thigh hurts so I just took some Aleve. I'm currently Pms'ing so I feel like a bloated bullfrog muffin. So just a great day for me. I haven't written since my last post where the school blues were in full force. My semester will be ending in a few weeks and I didn't find my groove with school until about a month ago. Took a while. At the moment I have a light load and am planning on cleaning all weekend long and working on school stuff. I did 5 days of working out last week. I have technically worked out 2 days this week. I'm hoping tomorrow evening I can get back to it and then the weekend but I'km 90% sure my period will come and now allow for me to do any of that.

So it is currently 12:33am. I had a week where I was going to bed super late and wasn't happy about it, then I spilled tea on my MacBook and destroyed my laptop...DESTROYED. So I'm Currently typing this on my new MacBook Pro which I love and hate at the same time. So anyway after destroying my laptop I started going to bed earlier which made me feel like I was gettin my life together. For about 5 minutes. Anyway I have nothing to say but I don't post on here enough. Until Next time.

School is back in session, September is here

It's 2:51am. September 2nd and I just finished 4 loads of laundry. My ankles and wrists are bitten up by mosquito bites, they are so bad they woke me up at 7am this morning. This week had been stressful to the max. I had a wonderful weekend with my guy. I was able to relax and just enjoy the time spent with him. But Sunday cam and both of us feel the dread of the work week. For me work and school.

So Monday arrived and I was hit with stress from the beginning of the semester craziness. My classes this semester suck, I'm only taking 2 which is a change from my typical 4 classes or 12 credits I've done for the last year and a half. But I was trying to decide which class to take and which one to drop, which one I needed and I needed them all.Work was insane, my pet bird died, I worked alone, got a migraine and am still fighting the second cold I've had in 7 months, going on 4 weeks. My whole year has been trash so far. TRUE TRASH. So this weekend I am off and decided I needed to not stress myself out. So I would relax but also start getting ahead on my school work and even gave myself a week off of the gym. I plan to start back at the gym either tomorrow or Monday.

I am full of stress and trying not to but it seems like everything me keep testing me. I keep asking myself why this year of all years, are things going bad every single month?, seriously there is always something each month that sucks. If I went down the line and listed off each bad thing each month I would get even more depressed. Anyway this is a late night rant and I want to sleep. Until next time.